I have been contemplating this blog post for over a month… should I write it? Should I not? What will people think? What are people thinking? Ugh… I might as well address the situation, get it out in the open, and hope for the best. My readers will form their own opinions, either positive or negative… but I know that any negative opinions from others will not be as harsh as the ones I have contemplated in my head for the past 30 + days.
As most people know, I have three wonderful children – and within those 3 beautiful children, I have 1 with special needs. My son, my preemie born at 31 weeks, diagnosed with ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder, was on a downward spiral at home and at school since the return from Spring Break. Sleeping issues, eating issues, behaviour issues… you name it, we were dealing with it 24/7. To add to the distress, my son attends the same school I work at and I became the No. 1 go-to person for intervening with him during my work day. On top of dealing with the daily challenges of students, classes, assessments, and curriculum, I had to deal with the issues of my son as well. Imagine feeling exasperated, frustrated, embarrassed, overloaded from all sides. That was me.
After weeks of not being able to sleep and feeling like I was failing my son, my students, and my colleagues, I walked into my principal’s office… and cracked. From that day on, I have not been back in the classroom. In essence, I suffered a breakdown – or as we teachers tend it call it, a BURNOUT.
After taking a few weeks to get my sleeping pattern back on track, I have been in full mama-mode when it comes to getting my son the services he needs. I drop him off and pick him up every day from school. I get him and take him home for lunch each school day so that he can give his sensory system a break from all the sights and sounds that bombard him while at school. I have been able to schedule his private occupational therapist come to observe him in his class twice to help him get through his school day and to help his teachers manage his classroom behaviour. We have visited his paediatrician to discuss his needs and have referrals for other services. and since I have been “off”, my son and I have several specialist appointments each week in order to help him get back on the right track.
As any teacher will tell you, working with children with special needs within our current school system is a major challenge. Lack of funding for educational psychologists, teacher assistants, behavioural specialists, occupational therapists, speech therapists, etc. is taking its toll on ALL teachers and students in the system. It just so happens that I am touched personally by this issue – but even if I did not have my son to open my eyes to the lack of support and services for these children, I do not think my current situation, as being burnt out, would be different. I still feel like I have been failing my students by pushing through the curriculum in order to prepare them for their end of the year exams. I feel like the lack of support I have for children in need, although I GREATLY APPRECIATE the support that my class does receive, does not allow me to do my job properly. Myself, my students, their parents were all in a constant state of stress due to homework, behavioural incidents, personal issues, and miscommunications. Something had to go. I wasn’t willing to give up on my son so my class was the casualty in this situation.
My class is now in the trusty hands of a GREAT teacher and I am confident that having him there with my students is 110% better than having me there but with only 10% of my heart in it. It was a heartbreaking decision. I love teaching. I love interacting with my students. I love following their progress. It just got to the point where my frustration with the system was overloaded and I realized that I could not stay and work to the best of my ability in the present situation. I also realized that for the sake of my family, I needed to take some time to focus on my son which will, in turn, hopefully help to take some of the pressure off his wonderful, caring, and patient teachers.
Have a great day.
Lidia M says
Thank for such an honest post!!! I think all educators need to hear it as well as parents. Many kids are just being pushed through to learn what often they’re not conceptually ready for and we are failing them! I am a teacher turned SAHM and love the time I can focus on my children and their needs. I know that’s not an option or desire for everyone but I truly appreciate this time with them. I didn’t even realize how overly stressed I was at my job until I decided to be a SAHM. I’m so thankful to see you making the best choice for your child. There may be a point when you’re ready to go back, but until then, I pray that you will enjoy every moment with your children focusing on their needs and and yours as well.
I Heart Grade 3 says
Thank you so much, Lidia.
Being at home for the last month really has opened my eyes to just how much stay at home moms do — and on the flip side, I see how much I missed as a mom while trying to juggle both family and school work.
Thank you again, Lidia, for your wonderful comment. Your compassion makes my heart smile!
Monica
Charlene says
Monica, you should not beat yourself up for caring for your family and your students. You need to take care of yourself in order to be able to handle the stress of the workload you have. Teaching is very difficult at the best of times now.
It takes courage to do what you did. You are giving the best to your son and your students because you decided to take a break from teaching and focus on making sure your son is managing okay.
Remember to take care of yourself as well.
I Heart Grade 3 says
Thank you so much for your support Charlene. The logical side of me knows what you are saying is correct – but the emotional side of me is conflicted. I concentrate on my little one – and seeing him thriving these past few days is making my decision a little easier to live with.
Take care,
Monica
Ruby says
Hi Monica!
Thanks for inviting me. I applause your courage in putting this out there. It will help others in a similar situation. Have you looked into possible dietary concerns? Sometimes kids are allergic to certain substances & food or just very sensitive.. Sometimes eliminating them helps behavior. As well pro biotics could be helpful to restructure the good bacteria in his gut. Often premises or kids who have to take meds have problems with absorption of nutrients. Probiotics help rebuild it. As of mid-june I will have more free time and be living in Joliette. If you want o could maybe work with him on some stuff to give you a break during summer…
Take care of yourself too.
All the best!
I Heart Grade 3 says
Ruby you are an angel! And I so agree about the dietary concerns. I really should take a better look at that side of the issue. Thanks a million, my dear!!!
Marisa says
Thank you for your honesty Monica. I too had suffered a burnout a couple years ago and still feel as though there is this huge stigma around it. It was one of the hardest decisions I had to make but I knew, like you, I couldn’t give it my all in the classroom. The schools find replacement teachers, but children need their mothers. Work will always be there. Good luck to you and keep in touch! Xo
I Heart Grade 3 says
Thank you so much. I think you’re right – I am more worried about how people will perceive me based on my personal pre-conceived notions that surround the word burnout. That’s still a tough pill for me to swallow but I am working on it day by day with the help of family, supportive friends, and well wishers just like you!
Monica
Mylene G says
Hi! 🙂 Don’t beat yourself down, take all the time you need to get back on the horse! You are an amazing teacher, attentive and organized, you love what you do and give a lot of thought and effort into your lessons..it shows! We love you, your students love you! Family comes first, you shouldn’t feel bad or guilty to be a mom! And yes homework is very stressful for the parents as well! Especially parents of children with learning difficulties or needing more time.. The children suffer from this a lot and it breaks my heart when my kid cries because he wants to play outside after a hard day at school but needs to do 40 min. of homework every night and on week-ends because it takes him more time than his siblings to finish it. And yes, the school lacks help..a lot!! So I understand you somewhat..even though i’m not in your shoes. So I wanted to tell you, ‘When it rains look for rainbows, when its dark look for stars.’ Keep your chin up! Better days are coming ahead! Take care 🙂 xoxo
Mylene Gagnon says
*for being a mom
I Heart Grade 3 says
Thanks Mylene! It’s a wonderful feeling to have your support!
Monica
Alessa says
Thank you for your brave post – and i’m so sorry the school has not done a better job in helping to meet the needs of your child. You were in the rather unique position of having been hired to teach a class of children in the same school where your child attends. Somehow I doubt the school would have sent someone to fetch a parent at their house across the street to assist with their child in a similar situation. All the same, your little one is lucky to have a mom who is willing to go all out to ensure he’s getting the services he needs. Hugs to you.
I Heart Grade 3 says
I love my little school – and I love the fact that it is close to home. Unfortunately, with the lack of funding that is given to our schools, it is getting more and more difficult to give ALL students exactly what they need – and it is getting increasingly difficult for teachers to meet all the demands and expectations placed on them.
Thank you so much for your support. I am glad you stopped by!
Monica